Better: Through a series of student interviews, I found that Kennedy High School's antibullying program was ineffective.In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).means that a scholar in your field could disagree (or perhaps already has! Strong thesis statements address specific intellectual questions, have clear positions, and use a structure that reflects the overall structure of the paper.Tags: 1984 Brave New World Comparative EssaySeminar Research PapersEssay About Healthy And Unhealthy FoodCover Page Of A Research PaperManagement Consulting Case Studies McFeminist Criticism Essay On A Rose For EmilyShark Code 2015Catering Company Business PlanTelstra Business Phone PlansPrimary Writing Paper With Picture
The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.
Better: Roderick's (2009) theory of participatory leadership is particularly appropriate to nurse educators working within the emergency medicine field, where students benefit most from collegial and kinesthetic learning.
The student's paper can now proceed, providing specific pieces of evidence to support the arguable central claim.
There are many words in this sentence that may be buzzwords in the student's field or key terms taken from other texts, but together they do not communicate a clear, specific meaning.
The new revision here is still concise, as well as specific and arguable.
We can see that it is specific because the writer is mentioning (a) concrete ideas and (b) exact authors.
Words like "ineffective" and "argue" show here that the student has clearly thought through the assignment and analyzed the material; he or she is putting forth a specific and debatable position.
The concrete information ("student interviews," "antibullying") further prepares the reader for the body of the paper and demonstrates how the student has addressed the assignment prompt without just restating that language.
This statement is concise, but it is neither specific nor arguable—a reader might wonder, "Which scholarly articles? Identifying similarities and differences is a good first step, but strong academic argument goes further, analyzing what those similarities and differences might mean or imply.
Better: In this essay, I will argue that Bowler's (2003) autocratic management style, when coupled with Smith's (2007) theory of social cognition, can reduce the expenses associated with employee turnover.