Worst Essays Funny

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

However, you must remember your goal with these essays -- to get accepted! Also leave your sexual activities out of the frame. Absolutely no pet stories -- admission officers hate them.10. A story within a college essay can be amusing, but don't try to make the entire essay funny.

Save the radical expression for after you get into college." 5. It's unwise to write about politics or religion, two of the most polarizing topics. Even if you have abandoned your reckless ways, don't bring it up.7. Schools do not want to hear about your church or school trip to another country or region to help the disadvantaged. This topic is too broad and too loaded, whether you want to write about God, your mom or best friend.

A few have said that these analogies were actually taken from other sources and were not written by high school kids at all. These analogies are the winning entries in a 1999 Washington Post humor contest, and there are more than 25.

Please look at the comments sent August 3, 2008 by “Jiffer” to get to the complete list and the names of the authors. The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. Mc Bride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at p.m.

A common mistake that students make when tackling their college essays is to pick the wrong topics.

It's a huge turn off, for instance, when applicants write about their sports exploits or their pets. You might be the most amazing person on the planet, but nobody wants a recitation of the wonderful things you've done, the people you've encountered and the places you've visited.2. Do you know how many millions of teens have written about scoring the winning goal, basket or run?

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